Monday, February 27, 2006

Ugly Ass Purses You Probably Can't Afford

Well, as promised I'm back with more really hideous purses. These are all expensive, though. In fact, several of them cost more than rent. Just a suggestion: if you find yourself tempted to spend this much money on something to carry your lipstick in, please please please consider Oxfam or Care instead.

Now first for some perspective. I suppose you may be wondering what I would consider to be an attractive purse. See, it's simple and elegant. No gratuitous chains, fasteners, feathers, fur or dangly things.

It's what I would consider an investment purse at $278. It's a Coach. I used to love Coach unconditionally. But then they came up with this:

This one is $358 and features woven straw. I thought we went over this in the 60's - woven straw is not an attractive purse medium.

Newsflash: purses do not get cold.

Please do not put fur on them.

Here's what I'm calling the Pursequarium. It's $498.

[Note: they also sell a beach towel with this motif for $168.]

[And baby booties for $98! Hahahahahahahahaaaaa!]

Ok. Sorry. Back to the purses. Here's a really queer Kate Spade, selling for $325.

You could hurt yourself on one of those corners. Imagine barking your shin on your purse while trying to get up from the table at the restaurant.

Don't tell the kids, but this one's made from a Muppet. (It's $425!)

And I could've sworn I threw this out in 1975. It was all nasty in the attic.

Look at this - Prada goes ghetto!

Only $935!

This next one looks like it's made from balls.

No wonder it's so expensive - $1,458!

I think Versace is trying way too hard to be cool. Someone should tell them this is not.

At least it's relatively cheap - $428.

To me, this one screams out Florida Retirement Community:

What pisses me off about this one is the zipper. How are you gonna zip that up? Oh, and it's $1052.

Our final example is a Fendi.

Now I thought I already said no fur on purses. It's the most expensive purse I've ever seen: $1,793. That's more than two months rent for me.

I think we can put to rest the whole money/taste correlation, don't you?


At 8:46 PM, Anonymous syd said...

the muppet purse is my favorite!
and the aquarium purse is sooo close to being cool, but doesn't quite make it...

At 10:37 PM, Blogger gnightgirl said...

I hooted all through this entry too! I can just imagine carrying that basket one under my arm during Chicago shopping or a day at say, Six Flags; I can feel the hole worn into the underside of my arm.

At 10:31 PM, Anonymous syd said...

i like the muppet one best...hahaha.
and the aquarium purse is almost cool, but doesn't quite make it...i just like stuff with fish :P

At 9:46 AM, Blogger HBelle said...

okay now, that is just shocking! who knew a freaking handbag could cost so much?? those women need to be beaten over the head with their $1700 handbags...

At 10:27 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

This was GREAT FUN! Your Florida selection, repleat with medalion and obtuse zipper, is sure to be the rage among the Dade County Senior Citizens Bingo League this spring . . . just enough room for a pack of Chesterfields and the keys to the Impala.
Oscar the Grouch = purse. Payback's a bitch.

At 4:30 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Prada's Scrotal Satchel, available only at Saks.

At 5:52 PM, Blogger Spider Girl said...

Every single purse I've ever owned that I've loved with all my heart till it fell apart has been under $10.

I have a friend though, who is under some sort of curse where she must buy the MOST expensive purses in the universe.

Without exception, my purses are more attractive. We have agreed to disagree. :)


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