Tuesday, February 21, 2006

Ugly Ass Purses

Recently I've been horrified by what I observe is a huge trend towards Ugly Ass Purses. I'm stunned almost daily by the bags I see people carrying - I just do not understand. Call me old, call me un-hip, I do not get these purses. See if you agree. This week, we shopped with the masses at a major department store.

[Note: if you see your new purse here, I'm sorry. I think it's ugly.]

Hmmm. Pic not available for some reason.

Hmmm. Pic not available for some reason.

First case in point. Do these spangly things not get snagged on just about everything?? Or just all fall off? And can you not do without seeing tiny little round reflections of yourself every time you go to get out your lip balm??

Next:

Hmmm. Pic not available for some reason.
Hmmm. Pic not available for some reason.

I don't know if this is the worst one we saw, but it would at least tie for the worst one we saw. It's like they had three different ideas and couldn't bear to give them to one purse each but had to combine them all into one uber-ugly purse. I've seen these medallion thingies on belts too. They don't look any better than they do on the purse, I'm afraid.

What happened here?

Hmmm. Pic not available for some reason.

I know! Her prom corsage threw up on her evening bag.

Okay, now look at this one:

Hmmm. Pic not available for some reason.

God, please tell me that macrame is NOT COMING BACK.

Now here, we have two rows of ugliness. On the top row, what the hell were they thinking with these colors? Eeuuww.

Hmmm. Pic not available for some reason.

And then look at the sad white one. This totally belongs with a leisure suit.


Please don't ever buy this purse:

Hmmm. Pic not available for some reason.

unless you're, like, five. Look at the stuff it says: Epic. Ooooh. How COOL. Punk Princess. An oxymoron, as Sydney pointed out.

Now, I'll bet you're thinking, "There could not possibly be one more ugly ass purse to see."

Well, you're so sadly wrong. This next one is also tied for Worst Purse I've Ever Seen:

Hmmm. Pic not available for some reason.
Hmmm. Pic not available for some reason.

This one is a Hobo purse. Not only does it feature authentic coins, but also wooden disks. I guess the idea is that you can sound like a windchime everywhere you go!

What, is this supposed to go with your hula skirt?

Hmmm. Pic not available for some reason.

This one's made of Plastic!

Hmmm. Pic not available for some reason.

Can you imagine how nasty this is going to look after you've had it for, like, ten minutes? C'mon, just because it feels like an eraser doesn't mean all the ugly smut is going to Magically Disappear off of the thing when you come in off the street.

Okay, my grandmother used to have these chairs that were upholstered in this fabric:

Hmmm. Pic not available for some reason.

I just threw up. Look:

Hmmm. Pic not available for some reason.

And just because I'm tired right now, I'll finally let you look at the Ugliest Ass Purse I've Ever Seen:

Hmmm. Pic not available for some reason.

I'm really at a loss for words. The colors...the pointy angled V shapes...the orbs (or are they bells?) I don't even want to imagine what sort of person would buy this bag, but what will give me nightmares tonight will be imagining what they'd wear with it. [Shudder...]

Next time we'll look at the Ugly Ass Purses that only Rich People can buy!

4 Comments:

At 10:26 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Your fourth pic, the white purse with medalion thingie has sort of an emaciated Elvis' britches quality, a viva las vegas belt accessory deal, with sunken, saggy ass pockets. Yikes. Who told this designer that it was a GOOD idea? They lied.

Some of your other selections might be voted "least likely to be stolen", as they might repulse even the most desperate purse snatcher.

JK, seeing lots of ugly ass purses

 
At 10:35 AM, Blogger HBelle said...

omg... these ARE truly hideous!! i think your next project should be camping out by the cashier so you can photograph the people who actually purchase these... think how proud they'll be to pose with their new favorite bag! yak

 
At 12:50 PM, Blogger gnightgirl said...

Bravo, these are atrocious, and someone had to say it! Call Isaac Mizrahi! Call Target! Alert the presses!

I can hardly wait for Expensive UAP day!

 
At 4:44 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

i guess when you shop at walmart that is what you get!!

 

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