Saturday, April 29, 2006

Now that's drunk.

My friend Charlie got drunk last night and woke up this morning with cheese in his wallet.

Thursday, April 27, 2006

The fly in the oatmeal

I stepped away from my oatmeal this morning to answer the phone. This is what I found when I got back.

Thursday, April 20, 2006

Picture the look

on my face today when I realized that the reason this very cute shirt was at the thrift store for me to find and purchase for the ridiculously great sum of $2.99 was that it likes to spontaneously unbutton. At random intervals, in public, completely.

Wednesday, April 12, 2006

Defensive driving for the intelligence impaired

I recently, for purely non-speeding-ticket-related reasons, found myself the lucky participant in an online defensive driving course.

These are actual questions with their correct answers (revealed after you have completed the quiz) which I copied and pasted from the text of the course.


Q: Which of the following is not a physical force that will affect your car's handling ability? Centrifugal force, friction, kinetic energy, or police force?

A: Police Force

This question scares me.


Q: Does anticipating the worst mean that safe drivers are pessimists?

A: Yes, because a driver makes a constant stream of life or death decisions.



This one is part of a series of randomly inserted identity verification questions. If you answer too many of them incorrectly, you may not have your certificate.

Q: Do you own your own home or do you rent?

__Yes __No


Well I know I feel much safer now.

Saturday, April 08, 2006

Overheard at the Elephant Room

So last night I was out listening to great jazz with my family and happened upon this conversation waiting for my turn in the ladies' room:

Woman A: You know, when I'm really drunk I like to hang out in the restroom. I like to flush the toilet and watch the water swirl around in the bowl. I can watch it for hours.

Woman B: I wonder if any other drunk people share our interests?

Woman A: I know! We should put this on My Space!

No, that's ok - I'll put it in my blog for you.

Wednesday, April 05, 2006

Oh, the possibilities...

A woman called yesterday for a quote on insurance for her personal-use bulldozer.

Tuesday, April 04, 2006

When you're temporarily stationed at someone else's desk

be careful if you use their lotion because it might be thin and come in a berserk dispenser and you might accidentally squirt a streak of lotion onto their desk.

Monday, April 03, 2006

The following is a list of true, actual email addresses I have encountered while on the job:







I'll keep you posted as more come up. There's sure to be more.