Now that's drunk.

My friend Charlie got drunk last night and woke up this morning with cheese in his wallet.

The fly in the oatmeal

I stepped away from my oatmeal this morning to answer the phone. This is what I found when I got back.

Picture the look

on my face today when I realized that the reason this very cute shirt was at the thrift store for me to find and purchase for the ridiculously great sum of $2.99 was that it likes to spontaneously unbutton. At random intervals, in public, completely.

Defensive driving for the intelligence impaired

I recently, for purely non-speeding-ticket-related reasons, found myself the lucky participant in an online defensive driving course.

These are actual questions with their correct answers (revealed after you have completed the quiz) which I copied and pasted from the text of the course.

--

Q: Which of the following is not a physical force that will affect your car's handling ability? Centrifugal force, friction, kinetic energy, or police force?

A: Police Force

This question scares me.

--

Q: Does anticipating the worst mean that safe drivers are pessimists?

A: Yes, because a driver makes a constant stream of life or death decisions.

??

--

This one is part of a series of randomly inserted identity verification questions. If you answer too many of them incorrectly, you may not have your certificate.

Q: Do you own your own home or do you rent?

__Yes __No

--

Well I know I feel much safer now.

Overheard at the Elephant Room

So last night I was out listening to great jazz with my family and happened upon this conversation waiting for my turn in the ladies' room:

Woman A: You know, when I'm really drunk I like to hang out in the restroom. I like to flush the toilet and watch the water swirl around in the bowl. I can watch it for hours.

Woman B: I wonder if any other drunk people share our interests?

Woman A: I know! We should put this on My Space!

No, that's ok - I'll put it in my blog for you.

Oh, the possibilities...

A woman called yesterday for a quote on insurance for her personal-use bulldozer.

When you're temporarily stationed at someone else's desk

be careful if you use their lotion because it might be thin and come in a berserk dispenser and you might accidentally squirt a streak of lotion onto their desk.

howembarrassing@foryou.com

The following is a list of true, actual email addresses I have encountered while on the job:

Buttle

BubbleBoyFamily

SirPoopsALot

DirtWeedDaisy

CarBeachHorse

FiestaYourFace



I'll keep you posted as more come up. There's sure to be more.